Tuesday, 16 October 2012

Depression Awareness - Blackness Descending

Hi Goddesses

In my second Depression Awareness post, I want to talk about Blackness Descending.  This is when the black cloud is  stalking you, and eventually pins you down, drowns you and claims you for himself.

Let's do the mani first.  This is a dark green gradient of China Glaze Starboard, ManGlaze Nawsome Sauce and OPI Black Onyx, all over 2 layers of China Glaze GaGa For Green.

I deliberately chose to matte top coat most of the nails - let's face it, nothing is glossy or shiny when the black cloud hits.

Some of you have asked how I do my gradients.  If I'm using more than 1 colour, this is how I do them - puddles of the colours, in lines, and then plonk my sponge on them.   If you're struggling with gradients, this is by far the easiest way to learn.  You don't need to do anything to merge the colours together - the plonking, and the fact you'll have to do at least 2 applications will get that blurred effect for you.

So, Blackness Descending.  Usually, it starts gradually, drifting down like snow, and settling. Whilst it's drifting, it can be shook off for short periods, but once it's settled, it's much harder to shift, and just like snow on the shoulders, the coldness seeps into your bones.

Then the snow gets heavier, getting ready to settle in for a period of time.  It compacts itself and smothers every positive thought you've ever had, choking the life out of every thought, emotion and response.

By now you are weary.  The snow is heavy, and thick, and dark.   You've long since learnt not to grope for a light switch to blink your way out of this darkness.  Instead, like an animal, you burrow in and hibernate.   It might last a day, or a week, or a month, or (heaven forbid) longer.  But you know that your only salvation is hibernation - to fight or to emote sucks more energy out of you than you can spare.

And so the darkness seals you in, like a shroud of shadows, insulating you from the world and yourself.   It circumvents your survival systems and feeds off every cell that you've got, leeching you, bleeding you, of yourself, your loves, your hopes, your everythings.   Darkness is all there is, and the darkness is all.

In these black times, we sometimes seek out new food.  Unfortunately, these morsels are usually words of loathing, memories of failure, and tirades of despair.  The salvation is the screaming, the silent screaming, as the long-dammed tears of injustice rip from your body, creating a river which, mixed with just the right amount of medicine, starts to thaw the snow.

The darkness eventually retreats, like a flood plain under the scorch of summer skies.  Depression, like nature, is cyclical, and you know it will snow again.   If you're lucky, next time you'll be more prepared and the snowstorm will be shorter.

Just remember - you are not alone xx

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