Sunday, 14 October 2012

Depression Awareness - Flatline

Hi Goddesses

I've talked about my depression before on this blog, and my pieces on post-natal depression are still some of the writing I'm most proud of.   I wanted to honour Depression Awareness month, and it took me a little while to work out how I wanted to do it.  Eventually I've settled on this - a series of manis that highlight different aspects of depression.

Now, 2 disclaimers before we start.  Firstly, I passionately believe that any mental illness should be openly discussed.  It is not a crime to suffer from depression, nor should you feel ashamed.  That's my number one driver - to say to everybody else touched with this hideousness - YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Secondly, these manis reflect MY experience, because that's the only one I can talk about.  So whilst they are all true to me, not all of them will resonate with other suffers, just as some of your symptoms may mercifully not be on my list.  But key to everything is this - YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

I'm starting today with Flatline.  Depression is a supremely isolating illness, and one that leaves you unable to connect with those around you.  Look at them - they would be the red nails - look, they're full of life, passion, vitality.  Look at their crazy excited heartbeat.  They are ALIVE.

And then look at you, in the middle.  A flatline, emotionally dead, unable to respond, react or emote.

I'm going to talk more about this numbness in another post, but it's important to remember that to the rest of the world, we can seem functional.  We get up, we do our job, we deliver - we just don't feel connected, or plugged in, or alive.

For me, mostly, my depression is under control.   I take medication, and again, I feel no shame in that, but every now and then it does flare up.  I have quite robust self-programming - believing I am awesome and destined for success in most things - but that has taken a battering this week with the Work Week from Hell.   So, how did that manifest?  With me retreating, functioning, but not really participating in life.

I flatlined.  Did you ?  If you did, that's ok.  Just remember, YOU ARE NOT ALONE xxxx
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