Saturday, 15 September 2018

Since I've Been Gone

Hi Goddesses

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Wow, this has been a long time!  Pretty much 2 years in fact. So why am I here again?  A few reasons. 

Firstly, a need to talk.  The world has changed in 2 years, but some things have not.  I still fight depression, and - yay! - it's now often accompanied by the added fun of anxiety.  But the conversation is changing.  Hell, the conversation is actually happening, and I feel I have something to contribute.  Plus, writing it helps me understand it and exorcise it.

I don't really do nails anymore.  In fact - hushed tones, whisper it, aghast - many weeks my nails aren't even painted!  Can you believe?  When they're not painted, it reminds me of why I used to paint them in the first place.  When they're naked they reflect me at my most depressed - colourless, blank, dull.  The act of painting them was in many ways an act of trying to recreate myself and bring colour to my life, albeit probably in the wrong way.

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I have almost nothing to do with the nail world anymore.  I only follow a couple of blogs - Copycat Claws, XOXO Jen - most of my friends have also stopped blogging (nail blogging is often a phase, albeit a healing one), and this summer I bought the first nail polishes I'd bought in over 2 years (a-England if you want to know).

I burnt a lot of my casual friends when I tried my hand at Jamberry - shit product by the way - and the friends I didn't fall out with hastily fell out with me.   I don't even talk anymore to the person who introduced me to Jamberry, and she was one of my closest nail friends.  Another reason for writing - I hate that everytime I go on Blogger, that Jamberry post is the last post that was ever written, the last reminder of what The Crumpet was.

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Oh and did you hear? (and this may be the main reason I want to reclaim my Crumpet-self), someone stole my blogging identity.   I used to own the domain   When I stopped blogging, I let the domain lapse, because there seemed no point. I always knew someone else would buy it.  What I didn't expect was that someone else would be a would-be nail blogger, calling themselves the ultimate in nail art, whilst being shit themselves.   I have emailed her - politely - but have had no response, and it REALLY pisses me off that people might land on her blog and think that it's ME.

So, things that are still the same in my world, 2 years on -
I have depression
I love my daughter above everything
I am a cat person
I watch too much TV
Reading is a struggle
I am obsessed with Chinese food
I have low / non-existent self-esteem

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But some things are different -
I am learning to care less about the clutter and voices of the world, and strip life back to what's essential and healing
I love podcasts
Sleep !!  I now sleep!!
I love gin, especially pink gin
I am back on Twitter - @TheCrumpet1
I am learning where I go wrong in life, and how to improve my mental health
I enjoy my job more, love it some days
I feel I make a difference

Going forward, this blog will probably have very little nail stuff on it, so I totally understand if you want to hop off the train.  I am hoping that by writing again, I can bring a little humour, perspective and healing to the world, and that together, we can navigate through this madness called Life and find our way to The Other Side, whatever that is.

If you want to tweet me, do!   All the other ways to follow me are the same as before, it's just that this time, the conversation will be different.


oh and it's the last time you'll see the graphic too!

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