Bob Vylan Appointed Government Advisor on Community Cohesion
Cabinet says few are better placed to unite Britain
LONDON - In a move described by insiders as “radically inclusive” the UK government has offered punk rap provocateur Bob Vylan a senior advisory role in shaping community cohesion policy across Britain.
Speaking outside Number 10, a government spokesperson said:
“This appointment reflects our commitment to embracing a wide spectrum of voices, particularly those who can bring people together by yelling death slogans at 40,000 people.”
Bob Vylan’s role will reportedly include reviewing school curricula, advising on neighbourhood integration, and providing loud motivational chanting at cabinet away days.
Culture Secretary Lisa Nandy defended the decision:
“We believe Bob brings a vital energy to the conversation. Especially when those conversations involve yelling threats at foreign militaries.”
Selection Process
According to insiders, Vylan was chosen from a shortlist that included a former Home Office diversity lead, a mindfulness influencer and a YouTuber who throws tofu at Etonians.
“We wanted someone credible, someone passionate, and ideally someone who has already been reported to Ofcom,” said one insider.
Role Includes Outreach, Screaming
Vylan will be tasked with healing social divides, rebuilding trust in institutions, and performing spoken-word policy briefings. His first act in office will be to replace the “Have Your Say” section on gov.uk with a 32-minute protest track.