Homeless Veteran Finally Gets Council House After Tossing Passport In The Channel And Claiming To Be Eritrean Teenager
Local man says he regrets serving in Afghanistan instead of buying a dinghy ticket, as council immediately provides housing, three hot meals a day, and free balloon craft classes
After spending more than a decade sleeping rough and waiting fruitlessly on the council housing list, former Royal Marine Darren Hughes finally cracked the system last week by throwing his passport into the English Channel and introducing himself to border officials as an Eritrean teenager.
“I was at my wits’ end,” said Hughes, now the proud occupant of a freshly refurbished one-bedroom flat. “I tried filling out all the right forms and phoning the council. Nothing. But the minute I destroyed my passport, told them I was ‘new here’ and refused to give my date of birth - boom. Keys to my new flat, hot meals, and a welcome pack.”
The welcome pack, officials confirmed, included a prepaid debit card, a new phone, a gym membership, and free weekly lessons in yoga, floristry, and balloon craft.
“Balloon craft was a nice surprise,” Hughes admitted. “It turns out all I had to do was serve my country in a foreign war zone and then throw my passport in the sea and pretend not to be from here.”
Government spokespeople praised the council’s swift action, noting that while resources for veterans remain “stretched thin,” there is an “unwavering commitment” to providing anyone who turns up illegally after throwing their passport in the English channel with everything from housing to creative workshops.
“At the end of the day, we have to prioritise the most vulnerable,” said a housing officer. “And to us, that means anyone who turned up five minutes ago and destroyed all of their documents.”
Veterans’ charities say they are thrilled with Hughes’s ingenuity and plan to begin offering “How To Arrive Illegally” training sessions for other ex-servicemen still sleeping under bridges.