Man Arrested at Heathrow After Security Dogs Detect Unlicensed Opinion
Freedom of Speech Still Permitted, Provided It Matches the Official Definition of Truth
LONDON - A man was detained at Heathrow Airport yesterday after security dogs detected traces of a “biologically unsound viewpoint” concealed in his carry on luggage.
The passenger reportedly raised suspicion when he hesitated during the routine Ideological Compliance Questionnaire at security, pausing for too long on the question, “Can reality be redefined by decree?”
Alarms were triggered within moments and five armed officers from the Thought Response Unit removed him from the queue. Fellow travellers said the arrest was swift and clinical. “He looked confused, as though he’d just said something obvious,” recalled one witness. “That’s always the giveaway.”
Government officials praised the new Detection Protocol, which can flag passengers for subtle signs of dissent such as furrowed brows, raised eyebrows, or the dangerous phrase, “Well, isn’t it just common sense…?”
The suspect is now undergoing Mandatory Clarification Therapy, which includes daily affirmations, immersive re-education modules, and “corrective silence” until his views align with the Approved Narrative.
Authorities emphasised that public safety depends on such measures. “Some opinions, if spoken aloud, can destabilise the social fabric,” explained a government spokesperson. “Freedom of speech remains fully intact, provided one’s words are compatible with truth as officially defined.”
Passengers are reminded to dispose of all non-compliant thoughts before travel, and to only carry ideas bearing the Ministry’s certification stamp.