RAF Brize Norton Security Outsourced to Local Yoga Group
Defence Ministry insists airbase remains “spiritually guarded” despite recent breach
OXFORDSHIRE — Security at RAF Brize Norton has come under scrutiny after a group of activists were able to breach the airfield, damage several aircraft, and still make it home in time for lunch.
Sources inside the Ministry of Defence confirm that, as part of recent cost-cutting measures, the base’s perimeter is now protected by intention, two traffic cones from Halfords, and a row of amethyst crystals.
“We’re Piloting a New Kind of Defence”
A spokesperson for the MOD defended the approach, calling it a “modern reimagining of force projection.”
“Why rely on outdated ideas like surveillance or physical deterrents,” said Wing Commander Jess Lipton, “when you can manifest security through positive energy and robust diversity targets?”
The airbase, which is central to Britain’s defence posture, now uses low-impact perimeter awareness: a combination of QR codes, and laminated signs reading “Please respect the safe space of our aircraft.”
Activists Praise Relaxed Atmosphere
Activists say they were “surprised and delighted” by how welcoming the base was.
“We assumed there’d be armed guards,” said one activist. “Instead, we found a wellness retreat with aircraft.”
Another said she was able to cause damage to the aircraft fuselage without disturbing the wing’s energy field.
Aircraft Status: Under Review
The affected aircraft remain grounded until activists finish their kombucha and reflection circle.
Meanwhile, security for the base has been formally handed over to a mindfulness coach and three therapy dogs.